Not ready to send my 2 year old to Turkey for a month

1/3/2011

When I picked up Dilara today, her Dad said they talked on the phone to his mother in Turkey and she wants Dilara to come visit. A month is too long. when I suggested 2 weeks, he said it wasn't long enough, as it takes 2 days to just get to and from Tarsus. Callie and Noah don't think it is a good idea, either. He'd like to take her in April or May, or in the fall at the latest. Callie suggested 2 weeks and 4 days to cover travel time, and not before October, which is her birthday month. He said "She'll be fine" and when I said, "What about me?" he said, "You'll be fine, too." But I don't think so. I don't think she has gone more than 24 hours without seeing me. How would he feel to not see her for a month?

I think Grandparents are tremendously important. I don't want to keep them apart. I just feel that Dilara is a little too young. I also worry that she may not come back. This is going to be a problem, I think. I expect that I'll hold him off till the fall, when Dilara will be 3. I still think a month will be too long, and I think he should teach her at least "survival" Turkish so she can communicate her needs if he's not right there to translate.

7 Comments

Crystal link

1/3/2011 11:07:09 am

Wow...a month...I wouldn't be able to do it! I'd only agree if he'd take you too :)
Seriously, I don't think you have to allow that legally. You should check. She is so impressionable at this age, I think you have every right to worry and say no. Not because you can't survive without one another, but because you have NO idea what will happen once she leaves.
Will pray for you!

Lydia

1/3/2011 12:54:23 pm

We talked tonight. I think I have to sign her passport to express my consent for her to leave the country. I want to trust him and feel comfortable with her going. He still thinks he needs a full month. He hasn't been "home" in over 5 years, I think. He says his parents have been asking for some time when he'll bring her. I try to put myself in their shoes. I don't want to make myself out to be unreasonable and unfair and unconcerned about their desires. His mother likes me and I'd like to keep it that way! We are planning for October. I can't NOT let her go. I would feel MUCH more comfortable if I could go, too :), but he hasn't offered to take me, and I'd have to get some arrangements made for Callie and Noah, as they will be in school. I'll be praying about this myself, too, believe me!

Marah Amasiah Mullins

1/4/2011 11:37:44 pm

http://community.babycenter.com/post/a23837863/prayers_needed_to_bring_eli_home

http://travel.state.gov/abduction/abduction_580.html

It comes down to how comfortable you are with it Lydia. Wasn't his mother here not too long ago and visited Dilara? I linked two websites 1) a group for mothers with children that have Turkish fathers, check out what's going on with them and maybe it could help. The second one is to the US Government it's a website for abductions and countries that participate in the Hague agreement. Not that anything will happen, but always be prepared for the worse.

Lydia

1/5/2011 02:31:25 am

Thanks so much for the group with Turkish dads lead! I have been looking for something like that.

I have not had ONE person say, "Sure, let her go, it will be great for everyone!"

He has NOT been pushy. He has tried to reassure me. Last night he said his job and house are here. Plus, his sister and her family bought a house here not even a year ago. I know he wouldn't leave her in Turkey without him. So, if he comes back, she'll come back.

Lydia

1/5/2011 02:34:51 am

http://www.international-divorce.com/ca-turkey.htm

Another abduction link. I need to hear from women who have had good experiences sending kids overseas.

julie inan

1/11/2011 07:07:57 pm

hi lydia, sorry for the delay, i have had a rather unpleasant tummy bug :( i see from facebook that this now seems to have resolved itself. but, i thought i would still put in my two pen'north. erdinc took our son, meric, to turkiye when he was 3, they were away for about 3 weeks iirc. and meric was SUCH a mummy's boy. it was his second trip there though. to be honest, given your circumstances, the fact that baby's dad has a good job in the states, house, family etc. i wouldnt worry, it would be a wonderful experience for her, turkiye is not like most middle-eastern countries, and mums are highly revered. i would let her go, however hard it was for me, and dont worry about the language thing - my guess is that she probably understands more than you think already, our kids picked it up very quickly, and lets face it kisses and hugs are the same in any language. my inlaws who live in texas do go to turkiye for 2 weeks - they are there now actually, but we live in istanbul, depending on how far away from the airport your family live may affect how long you feel comfortable letting her go for - but perhaps you could compromise with 3 weeks? and i would suggest to him that he takes you with him, if he finances the trip for you perhaps you could take your other children along for the educational value, turkiye is a wonderful country, very interesting, and the people are amazing. i am going to see where to put the soup recipe now. i love your blog, and have bookmarked it, i have one over on blogspot but have neglected it terribly, with a wedding in the offing perhaps i should be a bit more active.

Lydia

1/11/2011 09:55:59 pm

Thanks, Julie. Good to hear from one who's "been there, done that" with a positive outcome. One difference is that you're married and the baby's dad and I have never been. Don't know how revered I might be. I'm still mother to my daughter, but not family to him. On the other hand, from what I read about the Sean Goldman case, where the mother took the child to Brazil and even when she died, Sean's father had a hard time getting his son back, the parents were married (Sean's dad thought it was a happy marriage), and she got a divorce in Brazil soon after she got there with the chld.

I'd like to connect with your blogspot and keep up with your wedding plans. It is so exciting. I'm happy for you all.

The baby's dad's family is in Tarsus, so it is a way from the international airport, I guess, plus he is probably counting jet-lag recovery time before he can really enjoy his visiting time.

I'm glad her Dad isn't pressuring me. I'll see when he brings it up again, how I feel, and I will certainly take your positive experience and encouragement into consideration at that time.

Now to see if you found the spot to post the corba recipe.

Not ready to send my 2 year old to Turkey for a month

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