This is the recipe Dilara and I worked from when we made rose and peony petal jam the other day. I used peony because I didn't have many roses, and peony and rose smell good together to me, so I thought they would taste good. I was surprised at how long i had to cook it, and just today it dawned on me that I had halved this recipe....since I only had 2 ounces of petals, but I did not halve the water!!! It turned out okay and Dilara even put some in her yogurt. She LOVED making and eating it. We did not let the petals sit for 1-2 days. She really enjoyed massaging the sugar into the petals by hand. And it smelled so nice! http://www.bakespace.com/recipes/detail/Rose-Petal-Preserves/5387/

I will use this recipe next time. It has less sugarhttp://english.turkishcookbook.com/2010/07/rose-jam.html.http://www.bakespace.com/recipes/detail/Rose-Petal-Preserves/5387/ I guess 100g. is a little more than 3 ounces. I really wish I knew how Dilara's Babanne makes it. If I had her recipe, I would keep it, but if another recipe suited me better, I would use it instead. It is just nice to have family recipes.

 It would be so nice for me to have recipes to pass down from Sinan's side of the family. I have several recipes I use from my great-grandmother, my grandmother, my aunt. And I cherish my great-grandmother's Better Homes and Garden's Cookbook from the early 1960's that has the brownie recipe she used and it has her handwriting where she made notes besides recipes. I also have my grandfather's waffle recipe in his own handwriting. I have several recipes , also, from my ex-husband's mother and grandmother. I am looking forward to passing all of these on to my children and grandchildren. 


My teenagers think Turkish food is strange and my teenaged daughter thought eating something made from roses was unappetizing..."like eating perfume"...but hopefully her children will be more open minded! In the mean time, Dilara and I are trying to root cuttings so we can have more rose bushes and I am planning on buying a new rose bush of the "cabbage rose" variety next year! And if Dilara or I ever get to see Babanne again, we'll ask for the recipe. I would also like to know about the "sheep intestines stuffed with seasoned rice" that Sinan told me about, but that is one recipe I would like to have just for educational purposes....I would never want to actually make and eat anything like that!
 of wonderful foods

http://english.turkishcookbook.com/2010/07/rose-jam.html

Yesterday my 5 year old saw the boxed up Easy -Bake oven that my older daughter (almost 16) had used. I am trying to get my car, house, and yard cleaned up and I didn't want to get any major projects started. I don't think the baking will be as big or an ordeal as I'm making it out to be, and she is so ridiculously excited, we will probably be baking sooner rather than later.

Problem...the outrageously expensive mixes.

Solution:Google!

http://pinterest.com/chloeu/easy-bake-oven-recipes/


http://www.eborecipes.com/

I so appreciate people who take the time and make the effort to look good and smell good. I know it isn't for MY PLEASURE that make themselves nicer to be around, but it is interesting to think of it like that. 

I am still trying to lose weight. I keep having setbacks with health issues that make it hard to get my exercise in and stress issues that make me turn to food for comfort sometimes. Nothing like it used to be, though. 

I want to lose at least a little more weight.  I want to get rid of some midriff fat. If I can get my waist down to 32, that will be great. That is what Dr. Qz said should be my maximum. Waist size is a lot more important than weight. I carry SO MUCH fat around my midsection. I imagine fat is crowding my organs. I expect I have a very large omentum, like the big one Dr. Oz displayed on his show. 

Right this moment, I feel very sick. I am at the Y playing with my daughter. She is making me a pretend pizza. I did spend an hour on the treadmill and  just a few minutes on the rowing machine. I have had 2 bottles of water today. I have eaten well, and not too much. I have a migraine and just took some medicine for it. I have no makeup on and my hair is in a single braid down my back. So, at this moment, I pretty much look like crap. I just want to go home and go to bed, but I should have at least put on some eyebrow pencil, eyeliner, and mascara and some of my Burt's Bees Lip Shimmer in "Watermelon". I guess I should cut myself some slack on these days. When I feel badly, I often rub my face and eyes and would smear makeup.

But if I had felt well today, I would have taken a shower after I worked out and spent a few minutes on makeup and put on some fragrance.  I know some people are sensitive, but I think a little bit should be okay. I was in an elevator yesterday and it smelled very strongly of some man's fragrance, and nobody was in there! That was a bit much, I think. I took a shower last night and washed my hair before I went to bed. I liberally applied "Shower to Shower" deodorant body powder.  I didn't sweat much on the treadmill and I think nobody will be smelling any BO coming off of me before I get home and take a shower. 

I heard it say that the French think it is ill-mannered to go out without making yourself attractive for those who have to look at you. I think it would be ill-mannered of someone to think badly of me for the way I look today, because I am really too sick to go to any pains with my appearance. 

Yesterday I saw a young woman in a whole set of flannel pajamas at Wal-mart. She didn't look sick to me.  I have thrown a coat over my nightgown before when I have made a medication run to the pharmacy. But that is not my usual routine.

It is really just as important for me to look good for MYSELF as it is for me to look good for others. When I look good and smell good, I feel good, or at least BETTER than I would not fixed up.


I have accumulated a pretty good wardrobe for the moment. I think when I lose weight, I will try to alter some of my favorite clothes I am wearing now. I pay very little for clothes at the thrift store and I get some VERY nice things. I need to spend more money on pantyhose, underwear, shapewear. Shapewear makes a HUGE difference. My measurements don't line up to any size chart. My bust and belly are my biggest parts...my hips and thighs are much smaller. I expect to have to take a lot of things in to make my clothes really flattering. 

I need to make friends with my sewing machine and I need to have my alterations lady do the tricky things,like resetting shoulders for me when I have lost some weight. 

My daughter got a prom dress at the Thriftstore for $20 and I am trying to hem it and take in the bodice myself. My son has a forensics tournament coming up and I got a Ralph Lauren Navy blazer (one on Kohl's website that is similar ir not identical says it retails for $175, but they are selling it for $99). It is size 38.  Looks like it fits him well, but there is a tiny moth hole I will try to mend after I get it cleaned. A button fell off as he was trying it on, but we kept it and I already sewed it back on. I'll have to keep an eye on those metal buttons. I think they cut thread quickly. That boy needs to learn how to dress like a gentleman. A Navy blazer/dress sport coat is an essential item. He is still growing, I think, so it is good to not have to spend a lot of money on something he might not be able to wear for long.

I need to learn to do more mending and alterations as well as how to put outfits together. Found some neat websites:


http://thriftygent.com/blog/

http://anaffordablewardrobe.blogspot.com/2010/01/make-minor-repairs.html

http://www.ravefabricare.com/true-quality-cleaning/2010/12/28/reweaving-moth-holes-(or-rips-or-tears)-in-your-fine-garments.aspx   details about repairing, but not a 'how to"
http://www.esquire.com/style/tips/blazer-vs-coat-vs-jacket-0709 this esquire site looks like it has lots of good info on the subject of "Style and Grooming"


http://blog.suitupp.com/2009/04/13/how-to-repair-your-suit-reweaving/
http://www.awesomeguides.com/money_maker_reweaving_book_tailor_sewing.htm learn how to do your own reweaving!
http://shrouduniversity.com/frenchreweavinginstructionbook.pdf
http://www.realmenrealstyle.com/mens-clothing-flexibility/

http://www.thefrenchreweavers.com/

     My men are like ice cream. I surprise myself sometimes with what my mind comes up with. And it makes sense to me, even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else. But today some weird, but very vivid images popped into my head and I wanted to write it down before I forgot.  I will always be sad about my ex-husband (and father of my 2 oldest children) choosing taking another wife, and I will always be sad about getting "dumped" by my youngest daughter's  father.  But there has been a lot of healing that has taken place in my heart and I like these little "movies" that pop up in my head and they kind of bring some clarity to my recovery from my disappointments. I want to share them with others, not just so people can understand how I am looking at things (if they care! LOL!), but also because I know my experiences are not unique. TIME was a critical part of my healing and I don't think there is any way to bypass that, but I do think talking about it  and thinking things through made the healing come more quickly than if I just kept everything inside and let them slowly decompose. 

     To use a composting analogy, when I talk and write and listen to other people (friend or therapist) about my problems, it is like picking up a pitchfork and breaking a bit of a sweat by turning a compost pile, incorporating oxygen so the process goes faster. Stuff can compost anaerobically (without oxygen), too. But it is a stinkier process, and often takes longer, and some parts of the pile (like earthworms) die from lack of oxygen. Whether someone composts aerobically or anaerobically is not always just a matter of choice. Neither is the way one spends their time during the healing process. We all should use the resources we have available, but some of us have more resources than others.

    I have had two "serious relationships" in my life. Between those two I felt like I was in love for  few weeks, but it really didn't count as anything serious, in hindsight (panicked, manic, rebound). My marriage was serious, and my relationship to my youngest child's dad was serious, but only after I got pregnant. We were in an exclusive relationship (at his request, but I left an "out" in case my ex-husband wanted to reconcile at some point), but we had no intention of it being long term. Of course, that changed when our child was born and he chose to have joint custody.

     I was thinking today about how, if my men were like ice cream, my ex-husband would have been my favorite Pistachio Almond Fudge, standing out among the 30 other flavors. I think when we got divorced, the ice cream got dropped, not onto the ground, but onto a relatively clean surface, say it dropped on the counter and somehow rolled back into the freezer. I still wanted it, but couldn't reach it and make it mine again, but for a while, nobody else wanted it but me and I felt like it was waiting there for when I was ready and somebody would pick it up and put it in my hand again.  But after he got remarried and redivorced, he had lost his appeal. It was like another woman had picked up my scoop of ice cream and licked it all over and bit into it and there was a chunk missing. I found that even though I could have taken that ice cream cone back, part of it would always be missing, taken by the other woman, and by this time I had decided that maybe Pistachio Almond Fudge isn't quite my favorite in the world, after all, especially after my scoop  had someone else's germs all over it and part of it was in that someone else's stomach. Someone did pick it up and hand it to me again, but I said, "No, thanks."

   Now, my little one's dad brings a totally different image to mind. After my scoop of my favorite ice cream (my ex-husband) was dipped out and put into my hand and I got to enjoy it for a while before it fell off and rolled back into the freezer, all the other ice cream was removed.  I didn't care; that was the only scoop of ice cream I ever wanted and thought I ever would want.  Then the other woman picked up my scoop of ice cream that  I could not reach.  She looked like she had every intention of eating it all up herself, but I hoped she would decide she didn't like it and would put it back for me, but I couldn't stand to watch my  scoop of Pistachio Almond Fudge slowly being licked away by this strange woman while I stood there empty handed.  I looked again and saw that the freezer had been restocked, but with practically empty cartons.  There was  one, almost empty carton of slightly freezer-burned Cold Duck Ice (the least desirable flavor, to me, but I can eat it under duress) but there was enough to scrape together into one decent sized scoop and on a sweltering hot day, it was better than nothing, and at that point, "nothing" was my only alternative because at that point there was another woman holding and eating my precious Pistachio Almond Fudge. 

    For a short while I found refreshment in that Cold Duck Ice. It was different than what I was looking for, but it was cold and wet when I was suffocating from heat and thirst and since it was available, I felt like it was best to enjoy it as much as I could while I was waiting for the other woman to decide she didn't want my Pistachio Almond Fudge, after all. 

   Sadly, nothing went as I might have hoped or expected. When I got pregnant, I dropped my Cold Duck Ice onto the ground. It rolled a little ways away and picked up some dirt, dried grass clippings, and a  tiny twig or two. I tried to pick it back up, but I never could get a good grip on it. It was melting so fast and when I tried to scrape or pull the dirt and debris off of it, I found that I was actually pushing some of it in deeper because it was in the hot sun, melting, and it was so soft and not only that, every time I touched it, it rolled farther away, getting dirtier and more melted. I was so sad and felt so hopeless. 

     The freezer was still totally empty and the other woman was still licking my Pistachio Almond Fudge. 

    After a while, I gave up and stared sadly at the dirty, blob of melted Cold Duck Ice, sprinkled with all the dirt and debris it had picked up when it fell and also as I chased after it, trying to make it mine again.  

     I suddenly noticed that nearby was a shady, cool spot with a water fountain and relieved, I went there and cooled off and my thirst was quenched.  I felt more calm and peaceful. I decided that I don't want the Cold Duck Ice anymore.  It wasn't really ever right for me. It is melted and dirty and not something I want to eat anymore. It is still there, I still see it, but I just don't want it anymore. I know it isn't anything that can give me even a moment of satisfaction anymore. And maybe it is serving a better purpose melting into the ground and feeding the ants than being my refreshment. 

     I see the ice cream trucks have visited the ice cream parlor and the freezer is once again full of 31 flavors. There will never be another Pistachio Almond Fudge, nor will their be another Cold Duck Ice for me. But there are lots of flavors I haven't even considered. The ice cream in the freezer now isn't the freshest and best. But there are some nice ones I can enjoy. And there may be a new favorite hidden somewhere. There will always be more ice cream (until I find and settle on another favorite), and I will  always have a cool, shady spot and a water fountain available if I simply don't find myself in the mood for ice cream.

     Life is good.


 

First of all, I have not shed a single tear over these children and families. My heart feels like it is being squeezed, and I feel sadness and horror and I pray for God to comfort those who lost loved ones. But part of me is trying to not get all wrapped up in it. And part of me is feeling like these senseless killings are common and someday will not even get such media coverage. People get killed every single day. Parents kill and torture their own children. And women kill their unborn babies with the government's permission. More and more families are torn apart by divorce. Kids suffer from that. 

So far I have heard that this young man was very intelligent. His parents divorced 4 years ago. His older brother has not kept in contact for the last couple of years. The boy was a "goth" and I don't know what that means besides the style of dress and makeup. He lived in a good area of town. 

I hope something good comes out of this tragedy.  I hope people will try harder to connect with each other and people will get help when they have mental issues. 

I don't think gun control is the answer. Bombs and knives kill people every day.

I think we need more censorship in this country. Movies and video games with GRAPHIC violence need to be kept from our children.I don't really approve even of cartoon type or "Three Stooges" type of violence.  Nobody needs to see blood and guts. Keep everything PG or better. Parents need to watch what their kids are watching on tv and computer and video games. This isn't a gun problem, it's a mind and heart problem. There will always be evil in the world and random acts of violence, but we need to figure out how to keep it to a minimum.

 I think the "cure" for society's ills are about as simple as the "cure" for lifestyle related physical diseases. I think it is simple, but not easy and just like some people would rather keep smoking and die young or eat what they want and get diabetes, etc. people want to do what they want as far as morality goes and we all will suffer the consequences. I think there is room for some mental "junk food" just like I think there is room for some "junk food" in a healthy person's diet. But we are feeding our children the equivalent of rat poison vs. Twinkies these days. I try to control what my children are exposed to. I think some stuff slips by me, but I would NEVER approve of my child watching movies or playing video games or listening to music or reading books that promote illicit sex or violence. Why are these things even targeted towards our young people? I think we all need to pay heed to the instructions in Philipians about what we should keep our minds on.

Okay, I am about to make one of my proclamations:

EVERYONE IN THE WORLD (besides those where there isn't enough sunshine) SHOULD MAKE AND USE A SOLAR COOKER AND THIS DESIGN (and variations) LEAVES NO EXCUSE ABOUT TROUBLE OR EXPENSE!!!

http://solarcooking.wikia.com/wiki/Windshield_Shade_Solar_Cooker
 

I was fortunate enough to be one of the people who got a mortgage when they were easy to get,  but I have been even more fortunate to have been able to hold on to it for the past 9 years. That has only been, though, by the grace of God and human kindness. I have maxed out my "workouts" for the foreseeable future and I have lost count of the time I have asked for "charity".  Yes, it is hard to ask for help, but it is even harder to lose my house. 

I want to live the rest of my life in this house. It is absolutely perfect for my needs. It has a little over 1,000 square feet upstairs, and it has a full basement with a "finished" room downstairs that is 400 sq. feet and has its own door to the outside. Then there is a laundry room with a door to the outside, and next to it is a room that I think was a home office at one point. It isn't really "finished", but it is a room. That is where my HVAC unit is and there is a recessed area under my porch (which isn't really a "porch" but is really an uncovered "stoop" but I think porch sounds better.) I have dreams of making a compact root cellar in that space somehow. I guess it can wait till I have more of a NEED for a root cellar. And my front porch steps need some reworking.  I would like a front stoop makeover. 

I had plans to have made my 15 year old daughter her own space downstairs. It would be cool to make her a "cupboard under the stairs" bed. She would in no way be claustrophobic since she likes feeling "cozy" as long as there are no spiders or spider webs. Maybe we can swing it by next summer. There is already a shelved storage area, but it is at the end of the stairs and has an accordion style folding door.  A "Harry Potter Movie Style" cupboard under the bed sleeping space would have a door on the side of the space under the stairs, not on the end opposite them.  

I also had plans for my son to live with me for a long time after he graduates. I told him I could make him an apartment downstairs and he'd have privacy since there is a separate enterance. He seemed a lot more willing to "live with Mom forever" when he was 9 or 10 than he does at 14. As a matter of fact, he has expressed an interest in moving out of state to go to college and work. GOD FORBID! I have a bit of a neurotic fear of being alone and unloved and having my children and grandchildren scattered around the world. I don't know if that means it is more or less likely to happen. I never dreamed I would be divorced and (at the age of 46) looking for a "significant other" who will stick around to be my companion for life when my children have "flown the coop" and I thought the possibility of me having a child out-of-wedlock was so remote, I don't think it ever crossed my mind after I had gotten married. So I guess sometimes our greatest fears are not realized, but we get blindsided by things we never dreamed of happening to us.

I started this post because I was thinking about a conversation I had with a house-hunting friend the other day. I live in a kind of "ranch" style house with a full walk-out basement with one-car garage. My house was built in 1967. The house he was looking at was built in the 90's. It is very lovely. Something to really be proud of, I think. If not their "dream home", it is close enough. He feels that ranch style homes feel like trailers. I can see how he might make that comparison, with one long hall with bedrooms and baths to the sides. But I see that as convenient and efficient. I worked as a nanny for a family with a 10,000 square foot house and I can tell you that it makes for a lot of walking. One thing I insisted upon when I chose a house was a kitchen that was "open" to a living area. My kitchen opens to what was designed to be a dining area, but it is so wide, I made it into a den that we eat in. My table and chairs is in there, but so is a love seat and a rocking chair and the TV, VCR and toys. It has 3 big windows and I like the light. This is where I spend most of my time and it is "open" enough for me. 

Another thing I was thinking of was how I required a large fenced yard. My chain link fence is only on 3 sides, but it is enough for now, although I would like it finished off, with the side yard fenced off for the dogs.  Dogs and gardens don't mix. I have had enough of dogs digging, chewing, and peeing on my hard work.  So, they are tied for now.

I have a 1/4 acre yard with a lovely mix of sun and shade. I would have preferred to have had a pecan tree  in my front yard instead of a Silver Maple (or Water Maple, I don't know which it is.....), but  I just planted a 3 in 1 Pear Cocktail tree to the side. I have a very nice garden area, which I think has pretty much reached it's maximum size as far as edibles go. I  still have lots of places to work some ornamental or edible landscaping into the yard.

My thought was that houses have gotten big and yards have gotten small. I prefer brick or stone (my house is brick), lots of windows, and a big yard. If I want "open", all I have to do is go outside. I bought my house for $90,000. I have lots of maintenance and repair work that needs to be done, but I am very content. I thank God every day for my house and yard. I would not trade it for my ex-husband's big, new house with a tiny yard, no shade (other than the covered porch), vinyl siding on 2 sides, and too much "wasted" space. Big houses are more to clean, more to heat and cool. Replacement value for my house is $146,000. I don't know if or when I will ever be able to be gainfully employed and get of SSDI.  I would never be able to qualify for a house/yard this nice again. I prayed for this house to be mine if it was going to be a good thing for me.  It has been. My house is an answer to prayer. I sometimes wish to live in the country, but I think with all the stuff in Nashville and places to go and people to see and transportation back and forth for the kids to spend time with their fathers, this is the best place to be.  I might even get some chickens someday! 

I think it is good for children to have to share their rooms with siblings. I think it is good to only have one or two TV's or computers rather than everyone having their own. I think it is good to have chores for the children to help with. I think it is good to have a yard and garden and pets.

I think there are many people who are working hard for big houses when some of them might be happier with smaller houses and less work. I think individuals should do what they want, but in general, I think  wives and mothers should take care of their home and family and men and fathers should "bring  home the bacon."  I think it is nice for SAHM's to have some hired help with cleaning, laundry, or childcare if they want. But I don't think it is a good thing to have too much house to clean. I wish more people would be satisfied with less property and less income, but I wish everyone who wanted to work had a relatively safe job that paid well enough to provide all the necessities and a few extras. I think every mother who wants to stay home should be able to do so and to be the primary influence on her children and to be in close supervision of them. 

If I had the money, I would like to make a few improvements to my house. I have several urgent repairs needed, I need both of my outside faucets replaced. I need my kitchen sink replaced. My toilet needs work...I am having to flush it by pouring buckets of water into the bowl. I have water leaking from my bathtub faucet, my kitchen sink (both from the faucet and under the sink)

I would have preferred to have bought a house with an extra bath..or at least a half-bath. I would like to have an electric garage opener. I would like to have a built-in dishwasher, but I am actually pretty happy with my portable dishwasher, if only my kitchen faucet didn't have a hole in it that sprays water when my dishwasher is hooked up and putting water pressure on the faucet. I have to stay near the dishwasher and pour a couple gallons of water into the dishwasher at the beginning and every time it drains, other than the last cycle, which I sometimes forget about. I actually like my dishwasher sitting in the middle of my kitchen like an "island". 

I have a good house. It's old, but as I said, I wouldn't trade it for a new one. And if sitting by a window isn't "open" enough for me (I have window shade or blinds to raise--I don't keep my windows covered with curtains), I can just go outside and look up at the sky. I admire other people's big houses, but I don't envy them.

http://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/02/narcissism-dsm.aspx  
NARCISSISM. Is it so common it is considered "normal" and not a "disorder"? I think it is becoming more common, but I don't think it should be accepted as "normal" or desirable. 

I have a lot of ideas bouncing around my head on this subject. I was just reading a very sentimental birthday message that one of my 15 year old daughter's friends posted on her FB wall. Got some wheels turning in my head. 

I think this "self-centeredness" among such a quickly growing number of our population starts in infancy. Many years ago, women did their work at home to care for the family. Families lived close together and children grew up with a lot of stability...they saw the same faces and made strong bonds to those who cared for them day to day. Now so many women are in the work force, some people look down upon women who stay at home almost as if they see them as "deadbeats". Of course some mothers who stay at home ARE "deadbeats", but I'm not referring to them. 

Sometimes (not always), when infants are put in child care centers from as early as 6 weeks, it might be that they are unable to form close emotional bonds. In child care centers, it is not common for a caregiver to follow a child as they grow. Typically, turnover in child care centers is high. But it is also typical for there to be a caregiver to stay with a particular age group, rather than a particular group of children. I believe that this shuffling around every few months or every year, and being handed off from the parents to the care of a "stranger" for the bulk of the day can hinder a child's emotional development. Children need to feel secure. They need stability. I think getting shuffled around makes it difficult or impossible for some children to form close attachments.

I think the attachment is what builds trust and respect for parents. That is when a parent "has the child's heart" and the child will hear the parent's voice and seek to do the parent's will and avoid displeasing the parent. 

Without these strong bonds, I believe some children learn to be self-sufficient and independent. I think, still, children want this bond with their parents and the thought occurred to me that maybe the reason some children behave so well and wipe their own bottoms, wash their own hands, etc. at day care are unable to do such things at home. 
Children want and need to be dependent upon their parents at an early age, and when they are only physically with their parents for a small part of the day or week, it only makes sense to me that they would desire as much parental involvement as they can get. Kids are smart and creative in their efforts to get what they want and need.

My daughter is blessed to go to a private all-girls school and she is pretty much with the same girls and can socialize with the same friends all throughout her middle and high school years. My son had the same class and teacher for 5th and 6th grade, which I think was great.But most schools, except perhaps in very small communities, mix up the groups of kids from year to year. Again, this discourages connection and encourages children to be independent. It is hard for some people to share their problems or thoughts with someone they don't have a close connection with. It is only with someone you have a close bond with and you trust and who you know loves you unconditionally and won't judge you harshly and truly wants to listen, sympathize, advise, and share with you in your joys and sorrows. If these bonds are not formed at an early age, I believe children develop alternate and inferior coping mechanisms.

I believe the decline in the marriage rate and the high rate of divorce is directly tied to this "independence" rather than the "inter-dependence" that God created humans to enjoy. God created men and women to be "inter-dependent" and he created women to have children spaced out and inter-dependent with their parents and their siblings and extended families. God could have chosen to have women give birth to "litters" and send them all away, off on their own at the same time. But that isn't what He, in his infinite wisdom, chose to do.

Many people are afraid of committing to marriage because they have learned to be self-sufficient and independent and to not trust that they can count on someone to meet their needs, and they don't want to be involved with a person who seems "needy". Interdependence goes both ways. All people need to learn to give and also to receive. I often think that is why Jesus said we will always have the poor. We need the poor to teach us to give of our means to help another. We need the sick or infirm to give us the opportunity to serve. We need the sad to give us the opportunity to comfort. We need the ignorant so we can share what wisdom or knowledge we have. We need the trying, so we can learn to be long suffering. We all need to have times of want, or sadness, or sickness. But we need friends and family to care enough and who we care enough for to make sure we are all meeting each other's needs.

We all have needs and we are all able to meet needs of others in some way. It isn't a sign of weakness to need something or somebody. But the greatest need any of us has is the need to have a relationship with our Creator. He gives us everything and we can give him nothing but our love and adoration and appreciation. 

I believe that as God has become less important in our society, we have become more self-centered. We look for more satisfaction in "things" or in status than we do in relationships. We are always looking for "upgrades" not only in houses, cars, computers, but also in spouses. I think only a small number of divorces are truly unavoidable. People just are investing in the wrong things. We need to invest more time in our relationships to keep them healthy. We need to learn more contentment. And we need to learn to care more for others than ourselves. That is a huge challenge, but it we continue, as a society, to become more narcissistic, we won't have much of a society left in the end.

My latest challenge: being thankful .

God said through Paul, "...give thanks in all circumstances.." I Thessalonians 5:18.  I don't know if that means to give thanks FOR  or IN SPITE of the circumstances you're in. In Ephesians 5:20:  "...giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus."

In "The Hiding Place," Betsy Ten Boom encouraged Corrie to be thankful for the lice that infested them while they were in a concentration camp.  Corrie couldn't imagine how she could possibly be thankful for the lice until she noticed that the guards left them alone more than they might have if the guards hadn't been afraid of catching  lice. The Ten Boom's were able to read the Bible and pray and might have been a little better off in other ways because they were "blessed" with lice!

What got me started thinking about this (looking for the good in what seems like a negative experience) was that  even though I have been kind of freaked out about my thinning hair and receding hairline, I have noticed some benefits. My hair used to be so thick I could hardly get my hand around it. It really looked and felt like a "horse's tail!"  In the past  10 or 15 years...I don't know when it started, exactly....my ponytail has shrunk from bigger in diameter than a quarter, to exactly the diameter of a dime. 

Hopefully I am not destined to be totally bald, but I can be satisfied with my hair as it is (Please, God, don't let me lose more!  It's supposed to be my "glory" and "covering"  after all, isn't it?)

Benefits I have noticed:
1. Hair stays out of face without restraints--I can wear it totally down and it won't fall into my eyes. My hairline was so low and my hair so thick, if would fall right into my eyes. 
2. Easier to pin up..not so thick and heavy. I have bent many hairpins and broken many plastic "chignon" pins.
3. Not so hot and heavy on neck in hot weather--The fan in my car even blows through, under my hair to keep me cool.
4.More natural curl without the thickness weighing it down. I used to never be able to curl it...now I can! I tried "no heat headband curls" and they lasted all day without even any hairspray or other product. 
5. Dries faster.
6. Probably need less shampoo and conditioner (saves money)
etc., etc. I could probably come up with more if I had time

I know that we are often discouraged from "minimizing" someone's problems by "looking at the bright side" and there might be something to that, but I see the other side as well. Some things just seem so overwhelmingly horrible I don't think it would make me feel better to have someone tell me to look for something positive, like "Sorry your child died, but think of how much money you'll save and maybe now you can afford to get that expensive car you always wanted, or go on that vacation!" But as far as INCONVENIENCES go, I think I would appreciate people helping me look for the bright side and ways to be thankful in all circumstances.

Along this line, the fictional character "Pollyanna" is one of my role models!  Maybe we should all try to look for opportunities to play "The Glad Game."  http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=18456177

A recent facebook discussion I had about HPV and ORAL CANCER has got me to thinking. I was just thinking about how we should (if we feel so led--I know not everyone is as open about sharing their thoughts as me, and I think there is nothing wrong with that) be willing to talk more about sexual topics. It would be ONE thing if NOBODY talked about it, but the problem is that there are MANY VERY VOCAL people talking about it in what I think is a very perverted and dangerous way. The BAD messages are EVERYWHERE! TV, movies, newspapers, magazines (checkout line magazine stand headlines!), radio, song lyrics, classmates, teachers, even other parents and some PREACHERS  are all sources of unwholesome messages about sexuality and sexual practices. 

I really feel it is my duty to speak out because if we who know how things SHOULD be are not speaking out because some people think it isn't a topic we should discuss....guess what the ONLY message is going to be spread???  THE ONE THAT IS GOING TO MAKE THINGS WORSE IN THE LONG RUN FOR EVERYONE! I am surprised that people know about the recommendation for Gardasil vaccinations, but nobody seems to be encouraging people to make the vaccination of kids for this sexually transmitted virus totally unnecessary. I do not believe this is a hopeless cause, but it is if nobody is willing to stand up and fight and warn people about the risks they are taking. Just think about what MARGARET SANGER accomplished by taking a stand and speaking out about what she believed. If she can take things in one direction, why wouldn't I want to take them in another direction? We should all have the right to speak out for what we believe in and speak loudly about what will protect our children and grandchildren's hearts, minds, and bodies. "Abstinence Education" CAN work, not perfectly, but it can make a difference if people don't give up.  I believe this with all my heart. It may not be enough to say "don't have sex outside of marriage because God says not to" if the person being spoken to has no regard for God, but it may make a difference if you tell them about the BENEFITS of abstaining from sexual activity until marriage and the CONSEQUENCES  of   continuing to not treat sex with the respect it deserves.  God says sex is special but we have cheapened it to the point that it is destroying society in so many ways and it is just getting worse unless those of us who CARE start trying to do something about it.  Every time I hear someone say, "that's not the world we live in anymore" I want to scream, "BUT IT  SHOULD  BE!!! "And this isn't "just" about morals. It is a HUGE public health issue, and it is getting more critical all the time.

April is Oral Cancer Awareness month and I went and got a free oral cancer screening at Belle Forest
Dental in Bellevue the other day. I lectured my kids today (again) on HPV, kissing, oral sex, and cancer. Callie told me that the risk of oral cancer isn't going to stop people from kissing.  I told her kissing isn't the problem. If people would be a little discriminating in who they kiss, and even more importantly,who they have sex with---especially oral sex--these cancer rates related to HPV would drop dramatically. I also told them that vaccines aren't the answer--changing behavior is. All that is going to happen with these Gardasil vaccines is that the strains of HPV that the vaccine works against might become less common, but the other 11 or so high risk strains will rush in to fill in the gap. God will not allow people to engage in harmful (physically, emotionally, spiritually) behaviors that he warns against  and let people suffer no consequences. If it was good for us, he wouldn't tell us to stay away from it. I don't think kids are being made aware of  the harsh reality  of the devastating consequences of engaging in sexual behaviors as is most common in today's society.  http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html

Are you more diligent in protecting your computer from destructive viruses than you are in protecting yourself or your child?  If you or your child engage in deep kissing and sexual activity (vaginal, anal, oral) with mulitple or "casual" partners, you are setting yourself up for not only for "yucky," but "harmless" warts  (google for some nice photos!)