A recent facebook discussion I had about HPV and ORAL CANCER has got me to thinking. I was just thinking about how we should (if we feel so led--I know not everyone is as open about sharing their thoughts as me, and I think there is nothing wrong with that) be willing to talk more about sexual topics. It would be ONE thing if NOBODY talked about it, but the problem is that there are MANY VERY VOCAL people talking about it in what I think is a very perverted and dangerous way. The BAD messages are EVERYWHERE! TV, movies, newspapers, magazines (checkout line magazine stand headlines!), radio, song lyrics, classmates, teachers, even other parents and some PREACHERS  are all sources of unwholesome messages about sexuality and sexual practices. 

I really feel it is my duty to speak out because if we who know how things SHOULD be are not speaking out because some people think it isn't a topic we should discuss....guess what the ONLY message is going to be spread???  THE ONE THAT IS GOING TO MAKE THINGS WORSE IN THE LONG RUN FOR EVERYONE! I am surprised that people know about the recommendation for Gardasil vaccinations, but nobody seems to be encouraging people to make the vaccination of kids for this sexually transmitted virus totally unnecessary. I do not believe this is a hopeless cause, but it is if nobody is willing to stand up and fight and warn people about the risks they are taking. Just think about what MARGARET SANGER accomplished by taking a stand and speaking out about what she believed. If she can take things in one direction, why wouldn't I want to take them in another direction? We should all have the right to speak out for what we believe in and speak loudly about what will protect our children and grandchildren's hearts, minds, and bodies. "Abstinence Education" CAN work, not perfectly, but it can make a difference if people don't give up.  I believe this with all my heart. It may not be enough to say "don't have sex outside of marriage because God says not to" if the person being spoken to has no regard for God, but it may make a difference if you tell them about the BENEFITS of abstaining from sexual activity until marriage and the CONSEQUENCES  of   continuing to not treat sex with the respect it deserves.  God says sex is special but we have cheapened it to the point that it is destroying society in so many ways and it is just getting worse unless those of us who CARE start trying to do something about it.  Every time I hear someone say, "that's not the world we live in anymore" I want to scream, "BUT IT  SHOULD  BE!!! "And this isn't "just" about morals. It is a HUGE public health issue, and it is getting more critical all the time.

April is Oral Cancer Awareness month and I went and got a free oral cancer screening at Belle Forest
Dental in Bellevue the other day. I lectured my kids today (again) on HPV, kissing, oral sex, and cancer. Callie told me that the risk of oral cancer isn't going to stop people from kissing.  I told her kissing isn't the problem. If people would be a little discriminating in who they kiss, and even more importantly,who they have sex with---especially oral sex--these cancer rates related to HPV would drop dramatically. I also told them that vaccines aren't the answer--changing behavior is. All that is going to happen with these Gardasil vaccines is that the strains of HPV that the vaccine works against might become less common, but the other 11 or so high risk strains will rush in to fill in the gap. God will not allow people to engage in harmful (physically, emotionally, spiritually) behaviors that he warns against  and let people suffer no consequences. If it was good for us, he wouldn't tell us to stay away from it. I don't think kids are being made aware of  the harsh reality  of the devastating consequences of engaging in sexual behaviors as is most common in today's society.  http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html

Are you more diligent in protecting your computer from destructive viruses than you are in protecting yourself or your child?  If you or your child engage in deep kissing and sexual activity (vaginal, anal, oral) with mulitple or "casual" partners, you are setting yourself up for not only for "yucky," but "harmless" warts  (google for some nice photos!)

Dilara was crying for me and clinging to me when I tried to drop her off with her father for overnight visit. I was in tears, too. I am really sorry she has to live this way, but the only alternatives were abortion or adoption and I really think I made the best possible choice. She was a surprise, and I wasn't married to her father, but I don't know which is worse...I have also had a divorce with 2 children involved. It really seems like adults should do better than they do...not just for the kids, but because is is right. I kind of obsess a lot about marriage and family and children, but it is because I live with so much pain and I have seen my children suffer so much because I was not able to give them a better family life. 


For almost the first 2 years of Dilara's life, all visiting was done as a family. Then we gradually started spending more and more time with her being with one parent, then the other, and now we seem to spend only 2 hours a month all together.  This is really a very sick situation. Even though I was divorced from my older children's father, we spent a lot of time together as a family until they got their stepmother, when they were around 9 and 10 years old. That is a huge difference than having to be torn from one parent and be forced to go with another when you are only 3 1/2. My younger kids did have that unfortunate experience for a few months during the divorce process.

I am so thankful that Dilara's father is so involved in her life. I am not in a position to be able to live with him even if he wanted to, because would not be comfortable with that situation when I still have my older children at home. There is no good way to deal with this situation. None of this would be happening if my husband hadn't divorced me and eventually married another woman. I know he would not have married another woman if I had not gotten so fat and unattractive to him. I will never be able to make up for that failure.
Not only have I screwed up my own life and the life of my children, even my ex-husband's life is far more complicated and less pleasant than it was before he married and was divorced by the other woman. I try to not focus on what is wrong, but sometimes I can't ignore it because the pain is too great.  I really wish I knew how I could make everything better, but things are such an impossible mess.  

I was just responding to some comments my sister-in-law made on Facebook. The topic was the "Bible Belt" and teen pregnancy rates. Her thought was that the there are more pregnancies among teens in the Bible Belt because the religious parents, by telling their kids to wait till marriage to have sex are actually forcing their teens to have sex secretly and without protection.

She is very much a socially liberal person and I am sooo totally the opposite in many ways. "Freedom", "Choice", and  "Rights" are all things she brings up a lot. We disagree on abortion. We disagree on homosexuality. We disagree on whether the Bible is God's word for today. She is a Christian, but she really seems to be following a different "gospel" than me. I am not going to say who is right and who is wrong, or if we are both right, or if neither of us is right. Of course, if I have a strong opinion about something, I think I am right. But, I am always open to hear why another person believes so strongly in a different opinion. I always know that I might be wrong. 

Anyway, here is what I said after a LONG paragraph of my thoughts on teaching my children to avoid casual sex: "There is something wonderful about being FREE of sexually transmitted diseases (especially the ones that are incurable or that can lead to cancer), unwanted pregnancies, or a history of having aborted an unwanted child, or even the emotional distress of wondering if you or your sexual "partner" "measures up" to previous partners..  I want my children to enjoy that freedom in their life. I would rather have them enjoy those freedoms than for them to have some other freedoms people have fought and are still fighting so hard for."

Then I was thinking about some of the "freedoms" people have fought and are still fighting for. Take, "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." Okay, I got it. How about "Freedom of religion." Definitely. But what about, "the right to kill my unborn child" or "the right to call my homosexual relationship a legal marriage" or "the right to break my marriage vows to my spouse without having to "show cause"."  I really don't think we should ever have a "right" to hurt someone else, and even if  "gay marriage" doesn't hurt anybody (and I am not convinced it doesn't), I know that abortion and "no-fault" divorce laws hurt individuals and society. They hurt INNOCENT individuals. That means one person is being deprived of "life" and ALL other rights in the case of abortion, and in the case of no-fault divorce where there is one party who wants to preserve the marriage (and hopefully improve it), the person who doesn't want the divorce is deprived of A LOT. 

People can be SOOO selfish and narrow-minded and they are so deluded  or else they just don't want to see the truth. I sure don't know everything, but I know there are far too many lonely middle-aged people and too many single parents and too many children who are not getting to enjoy an well-functioning intact family because of "no-fault" divorce.