Although I am in the midst of a fibromyalgia flare, widespread pain and fatigue, I had a very interesting and productive day. After getting the older kids off to school, I wasn't up for working out, so I skipped the gym, brought Dilara home and we had some breakfast, I tidied up the house a bit, and went to the Y to let Dilara play while I planned to study some Turkish on the computer.  I spent most of the day in bed yesterday and didn't feel like doing much today.

I had only been at the Y for about a half-hour when my Kurdish friend (why has a 2 1/2 year old daughter) whom I haven't been able to meet up with for some time, called me and invited me over. I thought she was working today, but as it turned out, I was able to visit with her for a while before she left for work and her cousin and her son were visiting, so I hung out with them for about 4 hours.  Dilara had a great time playing, jumping on the bed, etc. with the other 2 kids and I learned how to make a new Kurdish food.  They called it Kubbeh and in Turkish is is called "Lady's Thigh". I see many variations of the recipe

Kubbeh:  Rice (seems short grain is best, but we used regular long grain) was boiled till soft. Usually I make rice that is light and fluffy and the grains are separate.  This rice is supposed to be sticky and mushy. Many recipes I see onine call for cracked wheat (bulgur) rather than rice--they seem to almost be interchangeable grains. Meat filling was prepared: Minced beef (browned) cooked with  chopped onion, chopped parsley, salt and pepper (you can buy special "kubbeh" seasoning, but we didn't use it) and after cooking, some golden raisins were added. The rice was cooled and we had a bowl of cold water we dipped our hands in to keep the rice from sticking, and we took about a golf-ball size ball of rice and kind of smooshed it/kneaded it a bit then made a shell by making a ball, sticking a finger in the middle and hollowing it out (not by removing rice, but by shaping it). Then we filled it with a bit of meat mixture and closed up the open end and shaped the whole thing into kind of a foot-ball shape. These little "croquettes" were dipped in beaten egg and deep fried. I think they are great hot or cold!

They also had some leftover dolma (I brought some home!) and some homemade pickled vegetables. Looked like cabbage, cauliflower, beets, carrots.  I need the recipe for that.  I don't like beets, but they make a pretty color to everything they touch!

Dilara and I both had a wonderful time and I'm always glad to make a new friend and learn a new recipe!

Dilara is spending the night with her Dad and I watched a DVD of Mansfield Park from Masterpiece Theatre. Hope tomorrow I get my energy back, but it is nice to sit and watch a movie.

Alright, I was 203 this morning and I'm psyched up to focus on weight loss for a while.  I would like to give it 3 serious weeks, then take a break.

I found my "The Rotation Diet" book and the later book by Martin Katahn, which is supposed to be an improvement, called, "The T-Factor Diet".  Rotation diet says you can lose up to 21 lbs in 3 weeks (and part of the plan is taking the 4th week off, then starting another rotation if you need to lose more).  T-Factor says 9-12 lbs in 3 weeks on the quick melt plan.  45 minutes of daily exercise is required. T-Factor is big on limiting fat. Rotation Diet is all about calorie reduction, but having caloric intake fluctuate, so the body doesn't go into "starvation mode"

I will probably use both of these and develop my own "diet". The trick is going to be DENYING MYSELF. I had an empty feeling yesterday that didn't get settled down till I had 4 "fun size" 100Grand candy bars.  I guess it may have been a carb craving? I did have a migraine yesterday, too.

I am going to give myself unlimited fruits and vegetables and tea with sugar. I hate artificial sweeteners. I'll try to follow the Rotation Diet as far as other carbs and proteins and fat go.

Today's plan:
Breakfast- 1 fruit, 1 slice bread,1 oz cheese,
Lunch-2 oz salmon (or tuna), 5 whole wheat crackers (or equivalent), vegetables
Dinner-3 oz. baked chicken, vegetables and fruit
8 glasses of water!! 45 minutes of exercise. 

I actually can work up to 45 min. of exercise.  I did 30 minutes at the Y:  5 minutes on the stairmaster and 25 on the treadmill.  I also plan to go do some weight work before I shower.

I will probably have a smoothie with yogurt and fruit in addition to the above.  I need to remind myself to chew gum and drink lots of water. That does help me.

it would be interesting to see how much I can lose if I follow a plan. I'm real good at starting the day right, but I am terrible about depriving myself. It is a good exercise in self-discipline.

I need to take measurements and photos. 

I feel like I shall have a good day today.  it is rainy and gloomy, but I feel pretty good.  Mood is really good and energy level seems good too.  i am having some pain, but I think I can work through it okay. All the kids are at school today, so I have lots of uninterrupted time to work on my house, which looks like a disaster area at the moment.  I have a couple of errands to run when I go to pick up my son at 4.  It is 9:45 now.  I am going to go load my dishwasher, do a little more exercise (free weights and abs) and eat breakfast after that. Then, several hours of housework!  A way to  bless my family, as Flylady says! 

I thank God for giving me the focus and energy to do what I need to accomplish today!

I read somewhere that French people think it is rude for one to go out in public without looking his or her best. Shouldn't we be considerate of the other people who are being forced to look upon us?  Of course, it is MOST important for us to make ourselves attractive for the members of our household, especially our spouses, who pre-marriage probably ONLY saw us at our best. 

It is largely a matter of laziness on my part that keeps me from doing the bare minimum.  It takes less than 2 minutes for me to put on eyeliner, mascara, and eyebrow color, which makes a HUGE difference in my appearance.  It doesn't take any longer for me to put on clothes that are becoming to me than clothes that are comfortable for schlepping around in.  Comfort and beauty are NOT mutually exclusive, you know. I should purge my closets and drawers of everything that makes me look sloppy or heavier than I really am. I am a busy mom, but I CAN work an extra 2 minutes in, even if it is putting on makeup in the car while I wait for red lights to turn as I drive my kids to school.

After many weeks of not shaving my legs, the other day I forced myself to engage in a major depilation/epilation session and I pretty much removed all my unwanted hair from my head to my ankles (I forgot about my toe hair). One of my beauty gurus, Sophia Loren, mentioned in one of her books that she uses a razor to remove her body hair, and she bleaches her arm hair, but she didn't address facial hair.  I KNOW she's got it!!!  Even if she doesn't own up to it. Those Mediterranean types always have an abundance of body hair, and my 2 year old has an unbelieveably hairy back and legs, which I blame her Turkish father for.  I have discovered that waxing my armpits is MUCH more satisfactory than shaving (shaving gave me painful razor bumps) and the only wax I use is MIM which I get from my favorite Kurdish grocery store. (Muslims are SERIOUS about regular body hair removal) It isn't really wax, it's the store-bought version of a hair remover I have also made at home with lemon juice, sugar, and water boiled to a taffy candy consistency.  It is more accurately referred to as "sugaring" rather than "waxing".  I also use this on my ever-increasing facial hair. I also use one of these, http://facialhairthreading.com/ and tweezers on the hairs left behind.  I wish I had money to get a professional facial hair removal every month. It is easier when someone else if inflicting the pain, I think. 

WHY is it that as I age, I'm losing the hair I want to keep and I'm growing hair in places I don't want??? I know I have lost at least 1/3 of my hair on my scalp in the past  10 years.  I even think my ponytail may even be 1/2 the diameter it was when I was a teenager. Even though MOST of the hair on my face is very light and soft, I am sure my "sideburns" are getting thicker, and I'm getting more coarse and even DARK hairs above and below my mouth.  I JUST HATE IT!.  I can get by without shaving my legs, but I have to admit that I feel prettier and cleaner and more feminine with smooth legs. Since I'm not sleeping  anymore with a man who would literally kick me out of bed if I had the least amount of stubble, I tend to not shave often.  It does make me feel ugly when it gets so long it starts to curl.  WHO was it who decided women should remove the hair God has caused to grow so luxuriantly on our bodies? And I'm used to plucking my eyebrows, but why are they suddenly growing LONGER, so I have to trim them or else have them turn into Larry Hagman-type "handlebar" eyebrows? I wouldn't complain if it were my eyelashes  or scalp hair growing coarser, darker,  or longer, but NOOOO, can't have that!

I LOVE hair on a man. I think beards and chest hair and even hairy hands and arms are VERY attractive and masculine.  I am not so crazy about shoulder and back hair, though!  If I was a man, I think I'd wear a moustache and full beard year-round. (and I'd like to think I'd wax my back and shoulders if I had hair there, but I don't know--if I was a man, I might think it made me more masculine!) But since I'm not, and I don't want to be one of those women with a moustache or beard, I pull those hairs out and it hurts so much it makes my eyes water. 

One good thing about the pain of waxing is that I BELIEVE it causes the brain to release endorphins, which ultimately lead to a mood-boosting effect.  I have also noticed that from eating painfully spicy food, and that is one of my self-medicating measures I take when stressed or depressed (the eating, not the waxing).

I also conditioned my hair the other day with some John Frieda Shine booster which really does add a shine. I got it on a fantastic sale at Walgreens and I love it.  They have colored ones, but the only one on sale was clear.  I could probably use the "red" one to good effect, but it's kind of expensive at full price.  I'm toying with the idea of henna-ing my hair to bring a little of the red back to it, that has faded with age.

I need to paint my nails, as that makes me really happy.

I think the biggest thing I can do to improve my appearance is to lose weight. I hate to say that I'm over 200 again and have been stuck here for about a month.  Thanks to Jamie for turning me on to www.sparkpeople.com and I hope it will help me keep track.  I REALLY need to be keeping a food journal.  I have been very inconsistent with my exercise.  I just got on sparkpeople.com today. It looks good, and it's free!

Well, I am glad to say that this morning I DID make it to the Y after dropping Callie off.   Baby girl was a little hesitant to have me leave her--it has been a month since we were at this branch.

I did 5 minutes on the "step mill", 15 minutes on an elliptical trainer and 10 minutes on the treadmill, which adds up to 10 minutes of cardio. I SHOULD do some ab exercises and upper body work with free weights when I get home.

It really makes me uncomfortable to see so many old women stark naked. In the mornings, they get their water aerobics class in and there are many retirement/assisted living homes in the area from which residents come for workouts. I was the only one in my gym class in high school to change clothes in the dressing room toilet stall. So, I guess a sense of modesty isn't something that is lost with age.  At my school, we didn't shower, so I never was stripped down to less than bra and panties, but STILL!!!  I didn't want to be exposed. back then and I was slender and my skin was undimpled and clung tightly to my muscles. Now, there is much too much of me.  I have a pendulous abdomen (I stretched beyond hope with my 1st pregnancy) and multiple fat rolls on my back.  They have little curtained areas at the Y, which I take advantage of if I'm changing and I wish other women did. I don't even want to see MYSELF naked!

There is an absolutely adorable 79 year old who I met here last year and who inspired me to get into her regular aerobics class.  I was walking behind this silver haired woman with an amazing figure, beautiful carriage, and a spring in her step and I had to stop her and say, "Excuse me, I just wanted to let you know that I want to look like you." I didn't realize how old she was till she turned around, and I still didn't realize how old she was. I'd have guessed late 60's, not late 70's. If not for her silver hair, I'd thought she was in her 20's just looking from the back.  She was of French extraction and said she'd always eaten reasonably healthy and had been working out since she was 30.  Let me tell you, it has paid off!  She is positively radiant.  She always wears long tights, and long sleeved shirts. She wears a lot of spandex. I think she uses the upstairs dressing room while I use the one near the pool.  I have never seen her naked, and don't want to even though she is probably one of the most beautiful and fit 79 year old women around.  I don't think there is a lot you can do to avoid the loss of elasticity in the skin (I'm sure poor diet makes it worse) and my young-looking friend may have flappy bat-wing arms, but you'd never know it for sure. 

I am not going to say right now what my exercise or weight loss goals are. I want to exercise "most days" and not over-eat.

I think I'll start a diet and exercise thread in my forum.

http://www.flylady.tv/pages/video_9.php  Here I go! My sink is shiny!  Now, to make it a habit to keep it that way!  I'm going t  sign up for and follow her reminders/

I need to go to the Y tomorrow after I drop Callie off at school. The problem is that I drop Callie off about 1/2 hour before the day care opens at the Y. I was thinking we can go ahead and go to the Y and I can take Noah's laptop and Dilara and I could either do Starfall.com or work on our Turkish language learning at livemocha.com for 30 minutes then take her to day care, then I can do the step machine or treadmill or take a class. I have to make it a habit.

I mentioned my cabbage plants, which are in one of my 13 Earthbox planters. I also have an asparagus bed in a "square foot garden" block " and I have blackberries and raspberries planted in the ground and 3 blueberry plants I will get in the ground first time we have an unseasonably warm day.  I LOVE "edible landscaping".  I would like to plant some fruit and nut trees, but  probably not too soon.  I can't do much with fruit trees, unless they are dwarf or espalier.
 
I HIGHLY recomment Earthboxes. I have some that are 10 years old. The planting mixture Mel Bartholomew recommends for his square foot gardens is what I also recommend for the containers.  His recipe is 1/3 MIXED compost (several different types blended together like chicken manure, cow manure, earthworm castings, etc.), 1/3 vermiculite (You need to get a giant bag from a landscape supply place--last I bought was a bag almost as big as me, but very lightweight and it was about $12.), and 1/3 peat moss (get a big compressed bale from Home Depot or somewhere).  Mel says if you have good compost, you don't need additional fertilizer. Earthboxes say to add 2 cups cheap chemical fertilizer or organic fertilizer.

"Garden Patch Grow Boxes" are similar to "Earthboxes. See http://www.insideurbangreen.org/garden-patch-grow-box/ and www.earthbox.com

You tube also has some "do it yourself Earthbox type planter" videos for self-watering planters made out of 5 gallon buckets.  You have to invest in a few tools, even if you get the buckets for free.  Here's an example http://greenroofgrowers.blogspot.com/2008/07/how-make-two-bucket-sub-irrigated.html and www.globalbuckets.org

I really like the Tendergreen cucumber and Burpee's "Burpless"--picked small, these are much like the small, almost seedless "persian" type cucumbers I get from the internaitonal market.  I really don't like the English or standard American cucumbers much.

I usually grow okra, tomatoes, squash, cucumbers, strawberries, lettuce, eggplant, and maybe something else...squash vine borers always kill my squash and cucumbers before I have harvested much and I think injecting the stems with Bt and planting a successive crops every 3 weeks is the answer for a continuous harvest.

It is wonderful to grow and eat your own food! It is also therapeutic and a rich, ongoing educational experience  for the kids!

Well, my weight is about 201. I haven't been exercising and I haven't been careful with my eating.  I have been craving a ot of carbs and have been eating a lot of noodles.  I actually would love to have a good lo mein recipe, but for now, I'm experimenting.  I have some cabbage in my garden and I went and pulled several leaves off and stir fried them. The cabbage didn't head up and the leaves are very thick, like collards. The good thing is that they won't rot in the bottom of my fridge. I will have to make sure to plant fall cabbage next year, too, and maybe some other greens.

I need to get back into an exercise ROUTINE. I'm not sure what my problem is.

The good thing today was that the baby's dad said there was no pressure on the Turkey trip.  I told him I was stressing, and he told not to stress over it, and if I don't want him to take her, he won't. 

I have about decided that I need to quit shopping with my debit card and use cash only.  If I have a set amount of cash, I know I will be more careful and postpone purchases that aren't urgent. I bought a Sunday paper today and I think that I may get back my purchase price of the paper, but most of the coupons are worthless to me.  I did look through sales flyers and I see a lot of BOGO sales, and Chicken leg quarters for 49 cents a lb. for a 10 lb. bag.. I really think that's better for me.  I am awful about using coupons, but at least I get my son to cut them out for me.

I think I do save a lot of money shopping at Aldi for some things.  I have a Sam's membership, but they don't always have great prices.  I know some items there, like feta cheese and raspberries that have good prices.

There is an international market near here, K & S on Nolensville Road.  They are stinky, as they have live fish, but they have great prices on a lot of their produce. I also find that international markets have great prices on spices.  I didn't use much dried mint till I started cooking Turkish food, but it is so high to get a little bottle of McCormick dried mint. I went to an Indian grocery and got a huge bag that I keep in my freezer, for a just 99 cents.  I guess everyone knows spices are cheapest in bulk. The mint is pretty good, I guess, but I rub it through a tea strainer, as it has some stems. That Indian store--I think it is Apna Bazaar--also has cheap prices on grains and lentils.

I want to get started with flylady again.  Maybe this week. I have lots of plans for organizing.  I will be purging for months if not years...I guess it is an ongoing process.

I think Callie is getting the flu.  Noah is enjoying his snow days, although he hasn't been in the snow!  I need to get him off the computer and WII. The baby and I went outside and made her first snowman yesterday. She wanted to take a nap with a snowball, and I put it in a tupperware container, and of course, it was just water when she woke up....science experience, I guess.

I had a pretty good day today working on the house--mood, energy, focus were all pretty good. I wish every day was like this when the baby is in preschool and out from underfoot.

The thing weighing me down tmost today was that I'm feeling really sad for my friend who suddenly lost her 19 year old son on Saturday.  He is survived by 5 younger siblings.  My prayers are with them all. I just can't imagine their grief and pain.

I haven't heard the whole story, but the prodigal has come home! A great testimony to how prayers work, according to God's will, and in God's time.  And just when you think things are hopeless, may be the time things turn around. I found this to be very encouraging.

I love facebook, but this blog and forum give me more space to share and more space for friends to reply.  The hard thing to do is for me to not share too much information. My security-conscious aunt and my privacy-cherishing  Turkish "baby daddy" will appreciate me showing some restraint.  On the other hand, who's to say some stranger sitting near you at the park isn't eavesdropping on your conversations and won't follow you home to steal your baby, find out where you live to burgularize your house when you leave for vacation, etc.  And people have "group therapy" sessions where they spill their guts in front of strangers, so what's the difference?  I don't think "bad guys" will find my blog, much less trouble me.  I will try to use some restraint, and friends replying always have the option of sending me a private message.

I have felt a need for counseling, not just from a "professional", but also from the elders of my church. I had planned on a weekly meeting with one of them and his wife, but I just can't put one more thing on my plate--especially in the evenings when I have the kids..  I often can't even manage a phone call,  but I love the internet and e-mai l and can use snippets of time to get informed, and share my life with several  friends at once.  I hope more friends from church will read this and comment  and not only encourage me, but help fill a need for feeling more connected to others. .  I do sometimes feel isolated.  We were having a group of mommies/babies from our church trying to get together once a month or so, and I hope that starts  back soon.

I am still playing around with this site, but I think I'm finally on the right track.

I have a recipe page on my forum!!!  YAY!  Please share recipes especially quick/ easy/cheap ones!

Update on my "should I let my daughter go to Turkey?" issue... My dad and both of my kids think there is NO threat of abduction.  And really, why would we be arguing over the length of stay if he had bad intentions?  If  all he wanted to do was get my cooperation to get her out of the country,he wouldn't have been so insistent on a month-long visit.  When the kids and I said "two weeks is long enough for her to be away from her mommy", he would have said, "Okay!". I know people are scared of him because he is Turkish and a Muslim. I know him better than any of my friends or family, and I value my older children'ts opinion.  Ultimately, it will be my decision, along with Callie and Noah, as we will be the ones most devastated if something goes wrong. Callie seemed to think I was really stupid to think he'd not bring her back. I think I am, too. I'm going to stop worrying about it for a while.  the soonest she'd leave is almost 10 months away, so I still have time to think/pray.  Right now, I'm thinking that if he wants to keep her for more than 2 weeks and 4 days, (which should give him a solid 2 weeks to visit), he'll have to take me with him. If he wants to keep her longer, he'll have to wait till she's 4 or 5 at least. I know he has had his moments of seeming unreasonable, controlling, unkind to me, etc. BUT I really think he's a decent man who has given me relatively little hassle over the past 3 years that I have known him and had daily contact with him.. Our relationship is strained and uncomfortable in ways, but I'd generally describe it as civil, maybe even cordial. and cooperative. I think the baby beneftis greatly from the two of us trying to maintain a good  "working" relationship.  I'd personally like to have more warmth, a better rapport, but things work most of the time. . I'd feel better if he was a Christian, and I think all my family would, too. And that is something I pray for daily. I think the chances of that happening are slim to none--he's not even a "good" Muslim. At least he believes in God and will let the baby choose her religion for herself when she is older. I FIRMLY believe he has no intention of "making her into a Muslim". His family, however, want to see her be a Muslim as much as I want to see her  be a Christian, I think. How could they be any different?

I bought a bag of small apples at the store the other day.  I don't much like apples,  but i want to try to eat one a day, or at least 5 a week. I ate one out of hand the other day, and today I grated one and threw it, a handful of raisins, and a sprinkle of cinnamon in with my oatmeal before i cooked it. I like apples with caramel dip, apples with a slice of cheddar, and I'm looking for other ideas.

I am also trying to get at least 1 citrus serving daily.  I have a bag of clementines which I ADORE. Easy to carry, easy to peel,, easy to section, no seeds. Tasty.  What more could you ask for?

A big part of not spending money is to stay out of stores as much as possible! I HATE shopping, anyway. And always shop with a list and stick to it!

I didn't weigh this morning, but I think yesterday I was 199. I'm not focused on weight loss right now. I really want to get geared up with flylady.net, too. Again, I need to focus.  I'm really distracted with this "should I send my preschooler to Turkey for a month when she's never been apart from me for more than one day?". issue.  My brother thinks I'm nuts to even have to think about it.  I have been advised to not look for the best in someone (my natural inclination) in this situation, but to imagine the worst.  The worst is quite ugly. Sara Edwards says she felt she had "every reason" to believe her husband would return with their son, who has been kept from her for 9 months now, and who has his 3rd birthday this month.