I have recently developed a method to help me  stop obsessing/agonizing over decisions. I guess it is a form of "casting lots'.I can waste a lot of energy trying to make decisions over kind of small things that probably aren't that important. . I took 12 black beans, marked half with a silver Sharpie (yes)  and left the other ones plain (no). I pray and ask advice of others, but when I have no "gut" feeling of what to do,when I get conflicting advice, and when I  really am stuck and paralyzed, I draw 2 beans, and if the results are ambiguous, I draw 2 more.  It is a huge relief when I get a "clear answer".  Then I can stop thinking about it. Doesn't mean I make the best decision, just means I MAKE a decision.  Flipping a coin would be just as good, I think, but I like my beans.

I really wish we had some way of getting a clear answer from God on every subject we seek guidance in. I guess maybe he wants us to make mistakes sometimes so we can learn and grow from them.

I wish I knew more about how lots were cast in the Bible.  The Old and New Testaments make reference, but the details are sometimes sketchy. 

When my older (soon to be 14) daughter was 2 1/2, her younger brother had already weaned himself from the breast, and I thought it was a good time to wean her, too.  I needed to take some medication that I couldn't use when breastfeeding and I thought she was old enough to wean, though she very much enjoyed breastfeeding. 

I spent a couple of weeks preparing her....telling her the milk was going to taste bad and she was going to have to only drink milk from a cup, etc.  I got a bottle of "Thum" remedy for thumbsucking and nailbiting remedy (cayenne extract, citric acid, isopropyl alcohol, acetone, lacquer) and coated my nipples and aerola with it. She took one taste, didn't say a work,  and NEVER asked for the breast again. The only thing that went wrong was that I painted over my milk ducts, so it was kind of difficult getting them unstopped. They say to remove it with nail polish remover. I had a bit of engoregement before my milk dried up, and it is important to be able to express milk or let it leak out, or it can get to be quite a problem.

I had high hopes that  my youngest would experience such an easy and painless weaning.  But, NO. I applied the Thum, carefully avoiding the milk duct areas this time. Her first taste, she said, "It's hot!  It's burning" and I gave her some  water, and thought that was the end of it. In the middle of the night, I think she wanted to get up if she couldn't nurse.  She said she wanted to eat some oatmeal, to watch TV, and to go potty, but I think she really didn't want to sleep if she couldn't have her milk.  But in the early hours of the morning, she insisted on nursing, and I gave in. "It's MY milk!" And the hot, bitter taste didn't seem to bother her too much.  The directions said to apply 2 times a day, but I wondered if it had "worn off" or somehow had become less intense and maybe as she drank, the milk neutralized the bitterness. The  next day, she asked frequently for the breast, but never actually drank any milk. At naptime, she was very tired (woke up halfway through nap) and nursed to sleep, despite the fact that I had even reapplied the Thum.  Before bedtime, she had some milk from a cup and we took water to bed and talked again about how whenever she was thirsty at night, she could have her water and I would hold her.  She has taken to wanting to lie on top of me, which is fine. At one point in the night she asked for the breast and stopped when she had tasted it and drank her water.  But later she nursed both breasts.

I am at my wit's end.  I went to the doctor today and got Lyrica to try to help with my Fibromyalgia, but I have to have her totally weaned first.  I think we are both very sad. I'm mostly sad because I know she is.  I feel like I am depriving her. But most children don't nurse to 2 1/2. And she does annoy me with it sometimes. Sticking her hand in my shirt or trying to raise my shirt up when we're in public, and switching from one breast to the other every few seconds during some sessions, interrupting my sleep so much at night (which makes my Fibromyalgia worse), and besides that, I have been under pressure for over a year to not nurse her at night because some dentists think it is bad for her teeth (she has had 6 crowns). The recommendation is to breastfeed for as long as it is mutually desireable, and I really think I'm ready to stop.

The one night about 6 months ago I made her go all night without milk, there were a lot of tears. But she was going to have dental work and the general anethesia would have been dangerous if she didn't have an empty stomach. At her father's house, I think he just gets up with her (like to eat or watch TV) to get her mind off it.  That is what she wanted to do night before last. But I told her she had to wait for the sun to come up. She said she wanted to go potty, and I would have let her get up for that, but when I started to take her, she said she didn't want to.

At any rate, she is drinking MUCH less--maybe just one or 2 times a day? It seems to be when she is very sleepy that she wants it worst and won't take a substitute and will nurse despite the bad taste.