Well, I have an appointment this weekend to get a prescription for Adderall XR.  My daughter is totally weaned from the breast and within the same 2-3 week period has also gotten potty trained.  YAY!  I have tried everything I know to do to get my life under control.  I feel like I simply haven't functioned like a normal human being for years. I have "always" had ADD, was hyperactive as a child, but I was never on medication for it. Until I had children, I feel like I managed pretty well.  I worked, had a husband, was chronically disorganized and often "spacy" and distracted, but not to the point of not being able to complete required daily activities.

I have a book called "You Mean, I'm not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?" which is about Adult ADD. The author cautions against women with ADD having children, as it complicates life with ADD exponentionally. After I had children, I also ended up gaining a lot of weight  (I probably gained 20 lb.between being 20 and being 30), getting  divorced, and soon after that I developed Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue. I have always been kind of emotional, but over the past 10 or 12 years or so, I have really struggled with recurrent depression. I have actually been hospitalized twice for major depression. 

I am not someone who is quick to pop pills to handle problems.  I do suffer from migraines and I am thankful for the medications that help keep me from having to suffer too much with that.  Besides pain killers, I will take other medication if I feel like nothing else is working and I really need relief.  I have gone on anti-depressants several times, but I rejected the claim made by my psychiatrist that someone with my history would need to take anti-depressants dailly, for life. 

I was on Adderall XR several years ago and I did note that it had a calming effect, but I didn't notice that I got a lot more done when I was on it.  Maybe I wasn't on a high enough dose? My mother-in-law thought I had ADD before I was ever diagnosed. She told me about watching a TV show about a woman who was like me, who went on medication and it totally transformed her and her life and house.  I didn't have that experience, but like I said, maybe I wasn't on the right dose.  I only took it for a few months and I think I went off of it because there was no dramatic result and it was expensive and I had good days and bad days on it as without it. 

I wonder how I would be functioning if I had a loving and supportive husband, a great sex life, and no financial problems. I am convinced that a lot of my health issues come from stress, but I feel powerless to manage my stress any better.  So, I'm ready to take a pill, or a combination of pills to help me get through the next few years.  Maybe things will improve.  It is my hope that I'll only have to take one pill and it will help me focus and get organized, get my house in order, lose weight, not yell at my kids so much, and experience relief from the pain and fatigue and "brain fog"  from my Fibromyalgia. I felt like I was often walking around in a fog before the Fibromyalgia.  It is at least twice as bad now, with  the pain and the  fatigue that keeps me from getting things done are more than twice as bad as before.

I am thankful for the many blessings that I have.  Many, many, too many to count. Although I am not married, my children have fathers who love them and are involved in their lives and support them financially. That is HUGE. My children are all wonderfully healthy and intelligent and seem to be happy.  That is HUGE, too. I have a wonderful church family that I have been worshipping with for over 10 years. It is a huge source of strength for me. My ex-husband has never seen much point in church attendance and when he asks me, "What do you get out of it?" I don't even know where to begin.

I currently have good health insurance and prescription drug coverage. I don't feel like I have anything to lose by taking advantage of help that is available. I feel like my 2 older kids have turned out pretty well so far, despite all my problems, but my 2 year old will hopefully have a better childhood. She may not have a 2 parent household, either, but maybe I'll be able to do more for her as a mother.